It never fails – Murphy’s Law. Just like gravity is a persistent force that rarely loses its ability to fuck up one’s plans. So much so that now in all tech projects & client productions I’ve started overbudgeting for my time to compensate for what I know will be an onslaught of delays and unsurmountable obstacles. Which of course I will surmount, but the process is daunting. Why I thought this wouldn’t apply to the one thing (besides my babies of course), that means the most to me I haven’t a clue. But sometimes naivete can be your friend in as much that I would have never even considered completing my CD if I honestly thought out what it would require of me. But now that I announced to everyone my plans, there’s no backing out now.
The interesting thing about what I’m attempting is that I have done this process for many other people before. As an Artist, I clearly get the temperamental bullshit and why to a point it is necessary. To outsiders, we must all seem like vain, delusional, drug addicts but many of us are in the crosshairs of muses that love to take us for a ride. And dear goddess, if you have any major personal issues, your art will encourage you to incorporate it into your essence, flaunt it, and roll around in it until you conquer it, or it kills you. The corporate world may exploit artists, but they don’t even come close to what we do to ourselves.
But I’m done with the self-flogging nor will I listen to the chorus of doubt. For years I was held back by homelessness, domestic abuse and all the crap that comes with being a black single mother in a society that thinks we’re all whores and welfare cheats. I’ve fought spouses, courts, abject poverty and an industry that says Rock music is only for white people. Although some victories may be a long time coming, every defeat taught me how to win and to never give up. And as I stand here now I have finally realized what is holding me down: Fear.
Hey Fear, I’m about to kick your ass.